We’ve hit the six-week mark of the shelter-in-place order, and I have a lot of random thoughts pinging around inside my head. Sometimes it feels like random thoughts are all we have in these odd times.
1) Why the paper products and the toilet paper? Why? I don’t get it. Six weeks in, it’s still happening. What are y’all doing with the toilet paper?
2) Dear creepy dude who actually attempted to bodily move me out of the way in the grocery aisle at Safeway, it’s called social distancing dude, look into it. Also, my back still hurts from the Crouching Tiger-Hidden Matrix move I had to do to avoid you touching me with your ungloved hands.
3) The mask thing is weird. I used to think that the notion that Bruce Wayne or Clark Kent were never recognized after years of media spotlight was a bit ridiculous, but I’m pretty sure I could stand in line behind a good friend and not recognize them in a face mask. If I’ve walked past you in the store and not said “hi,” don’t be offended.
4) Speaking of masks, I saw a small altercation outside a store practicing social distancing last week. First, the guy wasn’t wearing a mask while standing in the line to get in. Then he kept dancing back and forth across the taped off, six-feet-apart lines. When he attempted to enter the store maskless, and was turned away he screamed “Fascist Commie Bastards.” I didn’t know we were still scared of Commies.
5) Distance learning has gotten better since those first rough weeks, but its still tricky. I can’t imagine doing it with a kid any younger than mine. I’ve been chatting with fellow parents. One of them told me, “A preschool Zoom meeting is like the fourth ring of Hell.”
6) If I’m honest, I have no actual idea how my kid is doing in school. He says he’s done what he needed to do, and on the occasion he hasn’t I’ve gotten an email, but honestly? I’ve no clue if we’re acing the fourth grade or what. I’m surprised my kid doesn’t love distance learning more. His work day is shorter and he gets to sleep in compared to our regular schedule, but he really misses his teachers and friends. Guess he’s not as much of a loner as his momma.
7) I miss my family. We’re pretty close knit and generally saw each other a few days a week. We Zoom and call and text and send videos of the kids around, but I miss hugs and laughs and drinks in person.
8) I’m pretty content. I like being home, doing my work, reading, doing my farm chores. Having a glass of wine on my porch. I’m pretty content with this life. This part isn’t that different than how I lived before.
9) I’ve filled my gas tank twice in the last six weeks. I literally can’t think of a time since I got my license on my 16th birthday that that has ever been the case. It’s bizarre and awesome and all of those things. I’ve always loved driving, and I thought I’d miss it more than I do. But so far, so good.
10) My kid is probably having way too much screen time. He’s also probably watching too many YouTube videos where dudes scream strange catchphrases while playing video games. If you don’t have a kid this age, welcome to parenting in the modern age. Your kids don’t only play videogames, they watch videos of other people playing videogames. What a time to be alive. Anyhow, all of those things are probably true, and it’s probably all fine anyway.
11) Don’t inject yourself with detergent, bleach or disinfectant. Don’t bake yourself under UV lights. Just … don’t. You wouldn’t think that would need to be said, but Kansas has seen a 40% jump in chemical poisonings since our president floated that particular bit of crazy. So, just say no.
12) Among the many things I’m having to consider, that have never figured into my mental math before is the cost-benefit analysis of cutting the hair of myself and my family. Like every female on the planet at least once in my life I’ve made the near-fatal error of cutting my own bangs. So I’m not jazzed about the prospect of being in charge of anyone’s hair. But, my kid passed Justin Bieber circa 2010 about two weeks ago, and my husband is about two weeks away from the professor in Back to the Future. And we won’t even discuss the gray and scruffy thing I’ve got going on. So do I take the plunge? Buy some hats? Stay tuned.
13) Since they’re starting to open parks again, please don’t be stupid. Behave like you understand the problem, or can at least follow directions. Our collective inability to follow simple rules is the reason we lost the use of those spaces in the first place.
14) The economic outlook is a little bit terrifying. But let’s all try to not fall too far down that rabbit hole. Or at least cover your eyes when you jump in.
15) Hang in there, guys. We’re getting through this and making our way. Hold it together a little bit longer and we’ll get there. Wash your hands, socially distance, follow the rules and it will be over before we know it. And in the meantime, we’re all a little mad anyway, so we might as well, be mad together.
Heather Bailey is the editor of The Windsor Times.
