At this point, when so many of us so fervently disagree on so many issues, we do seem to agree that we are unable to talk with each other about the vital issues we face as a country and that we very much need to find ways to do so. Sadly, too many attempts end badly and further discourage us from the very conversations that we need to have as we lunge toward another election cycle.
A friend recently told me of a Facebook page that was started with the aim of promoting dialogue. However, following Charlottesville, the comments became so charged that participants left in frustration and someone suggested their efforts be switched to talking to one another about subjects such as puppies or kittens with the hope to eventually be able to move on to other topics.
I can sadly relate as I, too, am someone who has engaged in more unproductive exchanges on political issues than I can count. Yet, I have hope. And, I am looking forward to a workshop in Santa Rosa on Sept. 23entitled “How to Talk Politics Across the Current Divide” with Sharon Ellison, creator of Powerful Non-Defensive Communication (PNDC).
I can speak to PNDC’s effectiveness in my life. It completely shifted my relationship with my son and has repeatedly diffused defensiveness in charged situations with him and with other difficult family members. My experience has convinced me that whatever your ideological beliefs are, PNDC can help you understand where others are coming from and, in the process, refine and articulate your own beliefs with authenticity and integrity. Because I have seen PNDC’s power and impact in both my family and the families of friends, I am excited about the opportunity this workshop offers to learn to use PNDC with the same effectiveness on political issues.
Ellison presented a similar workshop in June to over 200 East Bay Indivisible and Sister District activists. Following the workshop, its organizer said several participants approached her and Ellison saying the workshop “changed my life,” and the chief complaint was that the workshop should have been longer. Other participants’ comments included: “Astonishingly effective techniques!” “Clearly heartfelt and experienced presenter — very powerful messages.” “Great day for me. I realize I can’t change in a day, but I have the tools.” “Well worth the drive from Sacramento.”
Ellison points out that research consistently shows that when people feel challenged or threatened, neurological signals bypass the complex problem-solving center of the brain and go instantly to the brain center that prompts a flight or fight reaction. Once triggered, reasoning with someone or trying to talk them out of being defensive simply doesn’t work.
PNDC is designed to defuse defensiveness. The process involves changing four elements: intention, voice tone, body language and phrasing. These relatively simple changes give people the ability to ask questions and make statements without defending or attacking — prompting others to be much more likely to shift their thinking and even change long-held positions.
The workshop will be at the Odd Fellows Hall in Santa Rosa on Sept. 23 from 9 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. The cost is $20 and tickets are available at http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/3070522. For more information, email cn*******@gm***.com.
Claudia Norby is a retired Santa Rosa attorney.
