VITAL LIVING

What constitutes life falling apart? The death of a beloved
spouse or family member? A marriage or relationship that has
withered away or perhaps ended abruptly? A job loss potentially
leading to financial ruin (or so you might think right now)?
Whichever situation is closest to yours, there are some steps
that you must go through to come out the other side with your heart
— and new life — intact.
The 6 Steps:
1. Wallow in it. This step is essential. Repeat
everything you went and are still going through many times to
anyone who will listen. Good friends and family will be very
patient with this part of the process. If your big life change
included a cheating spouse, self-righteous indignation is
appropriate at this point. Part of this step includes getting out
of bed and putting one foot in front of the other. Remember, this
step is temporary. The more evolved among us can skip this step
completely and go right to forgiveness and acceptance.
2. To eat or not to eat? Part of healing is
taking care of yourself. Perhaps you are a stress-eater or (equally
dangerous) stress-drinker — downing alcohol to numb your frazzled
nerves, often followed by high-caffeine drinks to rev you back up.
If you are a stress eater, first you need to recognize the fact
that you are opening the freezer door. If ice cream is your
weakness, why not put a sign on the freezer saying, “Go for a walk
instead?” Or have an apple with a little peanut butter on it.
Basically, we’re talking about redirecting your focus to healthier
choices that won’t make you feel guilty and hard on yourself
afterward — which will increase your stress. Maybe you are a stress
non-eater. You can’t stand the thought of food and simply stop
eating, forcing your body to feed on itself, wasting your muscles
and affecting your brain chemistry, adding to your already
depressed state. If you are a stress non-eater, perhaps you need to
place cards about the house saying, ‘Please feed me, I need fuel.’
Again, making healthy choices begins with awareness.
3. Get help. Your friends and family need a
break, but you still need someone to talk to, so make an
appointment with a therapist. If finances are a problem, there are
community agencies that can help or provide you a referral. Your
place of worship may offer you comfort. Therapeutic massage,
acupuncture, meditation and yoga can help calm your nerves. Don’t
underestimate the healing power of nature. A walk in the woods or
by the sea or even stargazing from a high-rise building’s rooftop
can offer you tremendous healing energy.
4. Read every book you can find. There are many
books that will say exactly what you want to hear and some that
won’t; eventually, read all of them. Some good choices are:
When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chödrön
Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me) by Carol Tavis and Elliot
Aronson
Anything by Eckhart Tolle, Caroline Myss, and Deepak Chopra
Callings by Gregg Levoy
Basically, anything inspirational to you is a good choice.
5. Believe in yourself. Life begins anew.
Choose to learn from experiences, choose to trust, choose to
breathe deeply, pull yourself up by the bootstraps and move on. Dig
deep and learn about the parts of yourself that you forgot were
there. During times of self-reflection, many of us have reinforced
what we already knew, and that is that family, friends and
community are, basically, everything. Choose (it is a choice!) to
move past fear and to believe in yourself. Do you believe in
yourself? If you believe in yourself and your gifts — and we all
have them — others will believe in you too. Choose to be
openhearted. The best is yet to come. Believe it!
6. Pay it forward. If you have been through a
life-changing event and know of someone who is going through one
now, you can help as others helped you. Lend an ear, listen —
really listen — and do what you can to help. Remember what helped
you.
Know in your heart that most of the time there are lessons in
the falling apart and such times offer a chance to learn and grow.
Use your experiences to become a better version of yourself.
Patty James is a Certified Natural Chef with a Master’s
degree in Holistic Nutrition and was founder and director of the
Patty James Cooking School and Nutrition Center, the first
certified organic cooking school and nutrition center in the
country. She created the Patty James Health Guide, a guide to
life-long healthy eating and lifestyle. Patty is a frequent guest
speaker in public and private schools around the U.S., the Clinton
Foundation in New York, as well as to health practitioners and
organizations. Patty runs Shine the Light On America’s Kids, an
organization whose mission is to shine the light on all aspects of
kids’ health in America. She is the author of More Vegetables,
Please! Visit her website at www.pattyjames.com.