My son likes to watch preschool programming, which means we still endure programs like “Yo Gabba Gabba” and “Dora the Explorer.” They are sort of nostalgic and comforting, I find them predictable and familiar. However, he has now discovered the closed captioning feature, which would seem like a great way to sneak some reading in, right?
Ha, ha, ha. No.
I don’t know who is in charge of typing up the closed captioning, but I am afraid some of them are not all that interested in doing their job. It’s not like it’s during breaking news, where you are frantically trying to keep up in real time, this is a cartoon, or a show aimed at very young children.
For example, “Yo Gabba Gabba” is a Canadian kids show which will sound as bizarre in the description as it does to watch. There is a tall, skinny man named DJ Lance who has a giant, fold-out play set and these sort-of toy figures that come to life when he puts them in the play set.
There’s a robot, and then there’s these other characters that defy description other than to say they are sort of Canadian Muppet toys. (For example, one is apparently a Cyclops ; another is a “bubbly flower girl,” whatever that means.) They all have specific names and personalities, and they have themed adventures like “Eat,” “Happy,” “Friends,” etc.
Besides the newly alive toys, there are live actors and musicians, and animated bits, all pertaining to the theme. Since the show features the same main characters, do you think it would be possible to know their names? Apparently not, if you are in charge of the closed captioning. One can interchange Judy or Toody or Toodee with impunity. You can also just plain give up and stop trying at all.
One song (which I am slightly horrified to find myself liking after being forced to hear it roughly 72 times) is about riding on a spaceship for an adventure. There are real people singing, so they have mouths (unlike the costumed Toody/Toodee/Judy and other main characters). A lyric goes like this: “Come along with me– on a spaceship adventure – through the galaxy—” The closed captioning: “Come along with the spaceship” — long pause – then this: “[music].” They just give up. Every so often there will be a lazy half attempt: “Through the stars – on a” – long pause – “[music],” but for the majority of the song there is just the acknowledgement that there is some sort of sound happening.
I find myself fascinated by the complete abdication of responsibility for the one job the transcriber had: transcribing the sound into words.
I have also happened to glance up during a “Dora the Explorer” episode wherein the little girl character Dora is underwater, and she asks, “Do you see the big dog fish?” The closed captioning read: “Do you see the big (hint: it rhymes with fish)?” I was so startled, I rewound it to double check. Yup. Someone typed that up, looked at it, and said, “Yessiree, that is exactly what a cartoon aimed at preschoolers would say.”
Thomas is blissfully unaware, because he is usually also streaming some YouTube video of a video game some other kid is playing, and solving a word game on a third device, but for the rest of the family, it has become a source of great amusement. Just when you think the captioning can’t possibly butcher it more, it does. It’s glorious!
I have discovered that there is similar confusion with captioning things like stand-up comedians’ routines. One in particular is a southern woman, whose Tennessee accent and colloquialisms stump at least one of the transcribers. Sometimes the closed captioning is straight up right, and other times it is straight up half-hearted.
The comedian’s name is Leeann, and one bit had her referring to herself as if someone else was talking to her. Within one sentence she became “Leo” and “Luann,” before the transcriber quit struggling and gave up and refused to even translate the word “y’all.” Between the woman’s comedy routine and the butchered closed captioning, I get twice the laughs.
If you ever get the chance, I heartedly recommend clothes captaining.
