Staff Writer
When you first find out you’re pregnant, there’s a rush of
emotions — surprise, elation, fear, excitement — you’re just
bursting to tell everyone you know the most exciting news of your
life.
For the next few months, you read every prenatal book you can
get your hands on, browse baby websites, search mommy blogs, you
figure out how to make it through the morning sickness, the
coffee-free days and the wine-free girls’ nights out.
You buy maternity clothes, you research cribs, you start
collecting hand-me-downs. And before you know it, your bulging
belly is an outward (literally) sign that you are expecting.
And apparently, it’s also a signal that you need advice — lots
of it — from everyone — whether they have ever had children or
not.
All of a sudden, your neighbor who didn’t have kids herself but
whose aunt had kids, has advice about pacifiers. “You HAVE to use
them — it’s the only way you will EVER get sleep.”
Then there’s the completely contradictory advice.
“Make sure you breastfeed, the weight will just melt off.”
Moments later, “It’s going to take you awhile to lose the weight if
you breastfeed, your body tends to store more fat.”
At some point in your pregnancy, you learn to smile and nod,
taking it all in, but letting some of it immediately slide off your
back. When someone asks if you have decided whether or not you will
get an epidural during labor or what kind of vaccination schedule
you will put your baby on, you quickly learn to say, “We’re still
discussing that,” or “I’ll be checking in with my doctor about
that.”
Likely, the advice-giver will go on to tell you what you HAVE to
do, but then you can revert to the smile and nod tactic and
immediately excuse yourself to go to the restroom.
And the most dreaded advice to give a pregnant lady: “Sleep now,
while you still can, because once the baby comes, you won’t be
getting ANY sleep.”
To which the pregnant lady feels, A) Anxiety over the impending
arrival of the baby, what it will be like, and if the baby really
will cry all night long, and B) Awful because she is already not
getting any sleep due to the size of her belly, and the fact that
the baby is kicking or punching her in the bladder throughout the
night.
But, if you’re like most moms, although you’ll get plenty of
unsolicited advice, you’ll still be looking for tips from those you
know and trust. After all, there was no test you had to pass in
order to get pregnant. There were no classes you had to take, no
diploma that certified that you could actually raise a child.
So, where do you turn?
The tried and true, been-there-done-that moms, medical
practitioners and highly regarded “What to Expect” books and Web
sites are all a good place to start.
After all, Dr. Benjamin Spock’s book “Baby and Child Care,”
published in 1946, is still one of the biggest best-sellers of all
time.
But, sometimes, you just need to hear some kind words from a
mom, dad or grandparent.
Juliana LeRoy is a Windsor mother of two who writes an amusing
column for The Windsor Times mostly about parenthood.
When asked what advice she might have for a first-time mother,
she reflected with the spirit that only someone who knows exactly
what you’re going through can.
“The years go by quickly — but the days are long,” she
starts.
She has practical advice — “Pack two diaper bags: One small one
to take on short errands, into restaurants, etc. with the bare
essentials (a couple of diapers, a small container of wipes, a
clean pacifier, a bib, a spit up cloth – later a small baggie of
snacks, a wipeable book, a small toy, etc.) and a bigger one to
leave in the car with a couple changes of all-purpose spare
outfits, more diapers, more wipes, more snacks, etc.”
And she has the kind of advice that all new moms will need to
hear at some point in the first few days, weeks or months.
“You will probably find yourself feeling guilty about something
more often than you realized you could feel guilty. If you take a
nap, you feel guilty you aren’t going for a walk. If you go on a
date with your husband, you feel guilty you are leaving your baby.
If you spend time with the baby, you feel guilty that the dishes
need washing. If you work outside the home, you feel guilty about
leaving the baby. If you don’t work, you feel guilty about not
being Super Mommy, a la June Cleaver. Acknowledge you can’t do it
all, and move on… you’re doing just fine, honest! Balance is an
act, not a state.
And the best advice for new moms is to remember what the
stewardesses say when they tell you about the oxygen masks dropping
from the ceiling of the plane: First put the mask on yourself, then
attend to the passengers around you. It’s okay to meet your own
needs. Do you need a nap? A walk with a friend? A book club? A
housekeeper every other week? An exercise class? Here’s your
‘permission:’ A happy, healthy, sane Mommy is the best Mommy!”
Dr. Brad Drexler, a Healdsburg father, grandfather and local
OBGYN, has useful tips for new parents.
“Go with the flow – realize that each new baby has its own
personality, and there is only so much you can control.” And always
good advice, “Start a college savings account right away (this is a
good gift to ask from grandparents). It is almost impossible to
save enough for college.”
And always a journalist at heart, longtime columnist, Sebastopol
resident, and parent, Susan Swartz sums it all up.
“Best advice: Have fun and write it all down.”
If only it was that easy. One can hope.
Kerrie Lindecker is the editor of The Healdsburg Tribune and
is expecting her first child later this month.
Pictured is a sonogram of her baby girl at twelve
weeks.
