For the new year I am going to concentrate on better communication. Communication is the cornerstone of any good relationship. And, I’m worried about my long-term relationship with my wife. Our hearing isn’t what it used to be and when she’s talking I’m not always hearing.
It’s not that I don’t want to hear, it’s more an aging issue. The same goes for her. To make matters more complex both my wife and I have always been soft spoken. Sometimes when I speak I can barely hear myself. I also mumble. A soft-spoken mumble is hard to hear under normal circumstances but now with declining ability to hear . . .
It’s usually not a big problem. When asked what I might like for a side dish and I mumble potatoes but get tomatoes…well, I like tomatoes too.
It can get problematic, however, when we’re driving. In unknown places one of us drives while the other navigates. Lately, that has become somewhat of an issue especially when the GPS lady starts chiming in too. “Turn left in one mile,” it said and I said, “I think we should go right.” And my wife, driving, hears, “I think she is right.” She turns left. It is the correct move. I am not so good at navigating especially using a GPS. In the same way I like my news in print I also prefer my maps on paper. I can even refold a map, how about that skill?
Another potential problem is that my wife processes information by talking through it. When I had perfect hearing I could discern processing talk from directed talk. Now, it’s not so easy. She’s talking and I have to wonder is she talking to me or processing. I’ve tried going on the assumption that most of her talking is processing and thus I don’t need to really hear. The first time she wasn’t processing but directing I got in trouble.
“I asked you to blah, blah, blah…” Ouch. When your partner speaks it is best to listen even if she is just processing. Now, when in doubt I will ask, “You talking to me or processing?” The problem with that is every time I say it I think of that scene in the movie Goodfellas where Joe Pesci threatens people with “You talking to me?”
Of course, this communication issue is not unique to my wife and me. Most of the “older folks” we know have the same issue and I’m sure so do a lot of folks we don’t know.
We were driving past an auto repair shop. I saw this white haired older woman directing an older man driving; helping him back the car up. She was near a large truck as their car was moving backward. I could see her yelling and waving, “Stop, stop,” as the old man driver calmly backed his car into the truck.
There are some advantages to this hearing loss. By nature I am an introvert and going to social gatherings is always a challenge for me. Less so now since I’ve learned how to smile and nod as if I can hear. It’s been working pretty well for me since in today’s America when there is a gathering of people the talk tends to get political. I hate political talk. Even though most of our acquaintances are like-minded and there is little conflict in their arguments it is still best for me not to hear them. I have nothing positive to add to a political conversation. The smile and nod seems to work fine.
Honestly, though, I know my long-term relationship with my wife will sustain our communication glitches because at this point if she said, “We’re though, we’re done, this relationship is over,” I probably wouldn’t hear it.
Gabriel A. Fraire has been a writer more than 45 years. He can be reached through his website at: www.gabrielfraire.com
