Healdsburg residents Christopher Palacios and Dennis Agnos have an emergency foster home. Chicago-born Agnos is development director for Face to Face Sonoma County AIDS Network. His partner (Palacios) is from Concord. Palacios stays at home with their two daughters, Navella (8) and Ruby (6). “We currently do not have any foster children living with us, just our two daughters,” said Agnos. “We built our family through foster care, however.”
“Our home is licensed as an emergency foster home; we have always cared for children under the age of 5,” said Agnos. “We are also a respite home for foster families, providing short term care for children so that foster parents get a bit of respite when they need it. That could include a few hours to make an appointment or a day or longer of care.”
Agnos spoke about the misunderstandings around fostering children. He spoke of comments like, “Gosh, it must be so difficult.” Agnos said, “We’re not ever sure how to answer that or what their statements really mean. All we say to them is that we are there for them the amount of time we are in the child’s life, to take care of them and keep them in good standing.”
“We have decided as a couple and as a family to take in foster children and we’re going to give them all the love we possibly can, even if it hurts at the end, for us,” said Agnos. “We hope that somewhere in the fiber of their being, they will remember that from us and it’s imprinted on them and will carry them through their future.”
Agnos said, “That is not to make any assumptions about whether they received love from their biological families. I’m sure they did. There’s a number of reasons why kids are put into foster care, it isn’t that they’re not getting the love.”
When asked if they had found a good network of support for foster parents in the county, Agnos gave an emphatic, “Yes! There is a wonderful system of support, from the professional staff through to more experienced foster families. The Sonoma County system is a family of support for the children and their caregivers.”
Agnos said his advice to prospective foster parents would be to, “attend information sessions to learn more, and know that as soon as you take the step to become a foster parent you will be welcomed by a large group of support.”
West Sonoma County therapist Liz Caine is a foster mom through TLC Child and Family Services and says they are very supportive. She said, “I kind of feel like I’m co-parenting with a team.”
“It’s a different kind of parenting,” said Caine. “It becomes the new routine, it becomes the new normal. It’s just like any other transition or adjustment in life. Things aren’t as complicated as I was afraid they might be.”
“A lot of these kids are close to aging out and then when they do, it really is an important time,” said Caine. “A lot of foster kids who age out wind up being homeless, but if they can have support while they’re aging out, and structure, then they can get on their feet and not end up homeless. So it’s also a way of preventing homelessness.”
Demi Moore lives in Sonoma County and is a former foster kid. She was adopted and says she looks at a former foster mother as her grandmother. Moore is helping others now. She is encouraging foster parents to “see the whole person when taking in foster children rather than focusing on their situation.”
“We have noticed an increase in the number of calls to child welfare, as of January,” said Meg Easter-Dawson, Program Development Manager for Sonoma County Family, Youth and Children’s Services. “Today there are 71 children in need of a foster home,” said Easter-Dawson. “They are at Valley of the Moon Children’s Center and in Emergency Foster Homes.”
“We think that some of that is a product of the fires,” Easter-Dawson noted. “Families are more stressed than usual and I think it’s part of the increase.
“The implementation of the Continuum of Care Reform, at the state level has focused attention on placing kids in family homes rather than congregate homes, like group homes and so that’s also why there’s a need to find homes for kids coming into child welfare,” explained Easter-Dawson.
“What we’re looking for are families that can provide attention, care, structure and be present and available to that child,” said Easter-Dawson. “We’re looking for somebody who has a positive attitude, who feels like they have space in their home and their family for a child.”
She said she is looking for: “Someone who is able to be flexible, both in their parenting style and just how they structure their day and schedule to meet the needs of the child.”
Easter-Dawson said foster parents should have a strong connection to the community, because it’s one of the things that’s really important when you’re a foster parent, or resource family, is to have a network of support to help with that process. She said: “It takes a village to raise a child.”
“If you love kids and have the space in your life and your family to bring a child into it, this is the perfect opportunity to not only give back to a child, but to give back to a family and the community, by helping to care for them at a point in their life when they need it the most,” said Easter-Dawson.
“There’s nothing like welcoming a child into your home in the moment that they need it. There’s no other experience like it, to be able to be there and help that child heal in that moment and maybe even that family to heal in that moment. Not only are you giving back to that child, but it can be an incredibly rewarding experience for your family.”
“All of our foster parents are assigned a caregiver mentor,” said Easter-Dawson. “That is a seasoned foster parent who checks in with them regularly, is available when they’re struggling, has questions, or needs emotional or moral support. As well, we also have assigned social workers within our organization that do foster parent support. So not only do they recruit the families, they’re there for support. They run monthly support groups, they’re there with training and there to help if a family is struggling, to help them problem-solve. They do home visits and are available by phone and so we do provide a really strong network of support for families.”
Sonoma County is hosting a series of discussions titled, “Explore Foster Parenting” to help interested residents see if becoming a foster parent is right for their family. The next one-hour discussion will run from 6: to 7 p.m. on July 30 at 2255 Challenger Way, Suite 100 in Santa Rosa.
The event will include a discussion by experienced foster parents as well as local foster care agency reps. TLC Child and Family Services, Alternative Family Services, Sonoma County Human Services and Lilliput Families will all participate in the event.
Easter-Dawson said the monthly evening events put on by the county to introduce foster parenting is a good time to meet representatives from the different agencies working in the county to see which one is the right fit for you.
For reservations, call 565-4274. For more information, sonomafostercare.org.
