Main Street

Ray Holley
Last month I wrote a column about being peeved that generated a
tremendous amount of feedback. For at least a week, readers
commented on it wherever I went. It’s funny, I can spend half a day
crafting an 800-word essay on politics or land-use and nobody says
a word, but if I spend half an hour writing about something
personal, everyone notices.
It’s not because readers can’t follow the thoughtful stuff.
Heck, if I can understand it, anyone can. I think it’s because we
crave the personal connections that emotions bring, the ways we
discover our common experiences and beliefs.
So … there are a few more things to be peeved about.
How many wars are we fighting now? There’s the unfinished
business in Iraq … the unending skirmish in Afghanistan … and what
the heck, let’s bomb Libya! I appreciate the need to bolster our
image as the leader of the free world, but these wars are damn
expensive and they don’t appear to have solutions. If we’re going
to spend billions overseas when we’re hurting at home, I prefer we
spend it on humanitarian aid, not political backstopping.
I’m peeved about borders. It’s flatly hypocritical to embrace
our legacy as a nation of immigrants while clamoring to close the
borders. With more than 7,000 miles of border shared with Mexico
and Canada it’s impossible to watch the whole thing, so why not
open it up politically? I propose a 10-year annexation invitation.
Contiguous states, territories or provinces in our southern and
northern neighbors can petition to join our union and share our
laws, currency, etc. We haven’t added any new states since 1959
when Hawaii got on board, and I’m looking forward to adding British
Columbia, Baja, Ontario, Sonora, Quebec, Coahuila, and more.
I’m peeved about lazy writing. When I was the editor of this
paper I used to terrorize young reporters who used “some” and
“very” in their stories. I used to say: “When you write ‘some’ it
means you don’t know how many and when you write ‘very’ it means
you don’t know how much. Go find out how many and how much!”
I’m peeved about bread. My sweetie is on a gluten-free diet, so
it’s my job to support local bakeries. Between Costeaux and
Downtown Bakery & Creamery there’s transcendent bread here in
town, and our locally owned grocers carry even more brands that
satisfy. At any moment in time, one has access to half a dozen
great loaves of sourdough. And, they’re all too big. I can only eat
so many sourdough-cheddar-mayo-pepper-spinach sandwiches, and I
invariably toss out half a loaf. Make smaller loaves, will ya?
I’m peeved about wattles. I have these stringy made-of-skin
things that connect my chin to my chest. They stand out from my
neck in an alarming way and belie any effort to twist my head
around in the mirror to hide them. I’m not really vain about my
appearance (I can’t afford to be) but these wattles! I see people
staring at them, hypnotized as they sway to and fro like they’re
trying to escape from my neck. I think I have to go buy a few
turtlenecks to hide my turtleflesh.
Don Frediani gets peeved too. A longtime Healdsburg Tribune
reader and sometime Healdsburger, Don wrote me after the “Peeved”
column to express his peevishness about the use of certain words
and phrases. Don wrote that he is annoyed by:
LIKE – People say “It was LIKE such a nice party” … “It was LIKE
such a pretty dress”
NO PROBLEM – The reply from a shop keeper or a waiter for
something requested
DIABEEDEES – The way most people pronounce DIABETES
SAN UH ZAY – The way most people pronounce San Jose
WHERE IS IT AT? – The AT is all wrong!
HAVE A GOOD ONE – The reply one gets after a transaction with a
shop keeper
PASSED AWAY or ENTERED INTO REST instead of DIED. (According to
Don) “The Healdsburg Tribune is one of the worst offenders of this
last one!”
Let’s end with something good. Healdsburg Little League is
hosting its annual Pasta Dinner & Silent Auction tomorrow
(Friday) night at St. John’s gym on East Street, next to the
church. A great dinner with beer and wine is just $25 and the
proceeds support a terrific program for local youth. The doors open
at the gym at 6:30. In addition to dinner, the silent auction will
include wine, sports memorabilia and more. Table sponsorships are
still available by calling Melanie Gentry at 975-3235 or emailing
Melanie at me********@co*****.net. Because
the event involves alcohol, you must be 21 or over to attend. Main
Street says check it out.
Ray Holley likes to check it out. He can be reached at ra*******@gm***.com.