Every so often one of my teenagers does something so endearing, it makes me want to cry. This last Thursday, as my husband packed and left for a second business trip in two weeks, I did just that; cried. I know, I know, probably not the best way to start off the day, but I felt deflated.
As I was preparing school lunches that early morning, my teen daughter came up to me, kissed my cheek and gave me a hug. She didn’t say anything but she didn’t need to. Her affectionate gesture was worth a million words.
While I was driving home from school drop off a couple of thoughts came to mind. I seem to do my best thinking while I’m in the car; go figure. The first was that I realized that my adult self couldn’t muster the adult behavior I should have exhibited in front of my teens that morning.
Us adults are supposed to be in control of our emotions. We have the maturity to calm ourselves and work through negative feelings, right? I should have been upset after they left for the day. I didn’t want my sullen mood to dictate the day ahead for them.
The second thought that crossed my mind was that I reverted back to an emotional teenager that morning. I felt like my teens and I had traded places. I was the sad, sobbing sot and they were the calm, even-keeled adults.
Because they saw my distress, their instincts kicked in to help. They finished the lunches, got the 10-year-old ready to go, even cooked the baby’s frozen waffle so he could eat it during the car ride. They became me and I became them. I was proud of them for coming to my rescue. I needed it.
After regaining my composure over the next day or so, I began to understand and appreciate the teenage being so much more. I remembered clearly that not being in control of your emotions is really, really tough.
There have been so many times that I thought my teens were being overly dramatic and hormonal, that their erratic behavior was due to lack of sleep or food. But I’ve had a change of heart and a glimpse back into feeling like a sappy 16-year-old. It’s not fun, in fact, it sucked.
And alas, the ever-not-too-surprising fact that being a teenager is so very complex. Being an adult is pretty convoluted as well, but on a different platform.
I try to take away positive insight from every little hiccup my family goes through and this is one I will try to remember. The next time one of my teens is temperamental, I will be kind. I will remember how I felt and what I needed. Kindness and love goes a long way for us adults and our teenagers.
I’m happy to say that my husband has returned and I now have a second pair of adult helping hands back in place. This experience is one that I wanted to share because it reminded my of one very critical component of parenthood. We moms need to take care of ourselves. We need to take little bouts of time to ourselves to restore our faith in our families and our spouses.
I’ve learned the hard way that being superwoman isn’t always healthy. Our armor can get tattered and worn down so very easily during our everyday feat of conquering our individual worlds. As my own mom would say, “Elizabeth, take off the cape and go get a pedicure!”
So moms, just do it. Rely on your teenagers for help. It’s OK to let them see you cry. It’s OK to let them take the reins every so often. It’s good practice for them and for you. And maybe, just maybe, it will allow us a glimpse into who they will become. Trading places with our teenagers isn’t such a bad thing after all.
Elizabeth Knobel lives in Windsor and is the mother of two teens who give her inspiration everyday. She can reached at
el*********@ms*.com
.
