Last weekend, I took my teen daughter birthday present shopping for her friend. We happened into an art store and after combing the aisles I spotted a long roll of paper that resembled a lightsaber. Well of course I picked it up and pretended to be Darth Vader. How could I not? It was just too perfect an opportunity. Here I am, having fun, and when I go whack my daughter with my “lightsaber” her eyes are bugging out of her head. “Mom, shh, you are being loud,” she whispers. Someone is going to hear you. So, I say, “Who cares?” Well folks, it would seem that I have officially crossed over to the dark side. I’m now an embarrassment to my teenagers. How and when did this happen?
Not to toot my own horn but I thought I was at least kind of cool. I used to ride a motorcycle (a beautiful, black, Honda Nighthawk), I followed Guns N Roses around Los Angeles during my youth, and I would have tattoos going up my arm if my family wouldn’t freak out about it. Doesn’t the fact that I was wild in my teens equate for something? It makes me a cool mom, right? I feel I have earned my goofiness. I can let my quirky personality shine through now. Being an adult is fabulous and freeing. It’s great when you come to the point in life where you simply don’t care too much about what people think of you. I’m comfortable in my skin and it feels good. I will gladly admit that I have stretch marks and crow’s feet. All earned from birthing my four babies and being an avid sun worshipping beachgoer. I guess my daughter doesn’t see me like that. I guess I can only get away with public displays of nerdiness with my 9- and 15-month-olds. Lesson well learned and kudos to myself for not being too offended.
Obviously, the opposite of self-acceptance is occurring in my two teenagers lives. They are living through that intense time of self-doubt and self-exploration. What’s cool and what’s not. Who am I, what do I like, how far will I go to impress my peers. Am I happy, am I depressed? Do I look good, am I sporty enough, smart enough? The standards that our teens must live up to these days is pretty crazy. Not to mention the added burden of social media. Every so often I want to grab them and envelope them in a huge protective bear hug. I want to tell them that they are wonderful and perfect. That no matter what they do, what sport they play, what car they drive, who they date … none of it matters. Be true to who you are inside. Always keep your heart pure, stick to your value set and you will be good to go.
Sometimes I get mini panic attacks about what they will encounter in the next few years. I try to not let fear control me. I know my teens must experience life’s up and downs to prepare them for adulthood. It’s hard though isn’t parents? We want to put them in a bubble to keep them from harm, keep them safe. Warn them of the dangers out there and hope they listen. Pray that they surround themselves with good people, good friends. And don’t even get me started on the subject of dating. There are so many what ifs in that arena … yikes!
So, I’m going to really try to be more understanding the next time we are running late for school because my son’s hair won’t cooperate or my daughter is brushing her teeth again because of her new braces. The things that I think are trivial are actually pretty big in their world. And you know what, I get it and I remember it. I’ve been there and it wasn’t fun. I wouldn’t revisit my teen years for all the money in the world. Here’s to being an adult, wrinkles and all.
Elizabeth Knobel lives in Windsor and is the Mother of two teens who give her inspiration everyday. She can reached at el*********@ms*.com
