Ding, ding, ding. It’s a familiar sound that now goes off in my head every time I am about to square off with one of my teenagers. I don’t know what it is of late that is bringing out the angst in them.
Maybe the hotter weather, the near approaching end of the school year, or raging hormones. I’m ready to go buy a couple pairs of boxing gloves and a punching bag for the garage. I wonder who would use it more? Me or my two teens?
I’m thinking maybe it would be me out there, swinging away. Maybe Mama Bear will get buff. I guess that would be a positive way of looking at it. But I have to ask myself. Why the need to release high levels of anger?
Why does my house seem like a potential battleground each day? Is it just life beating us down? Not enough rest in between responsibilities? Too much time on devices? For the first time in my time as a parent, I’m out of answers and my usual positive outlook is fraying a little at the seams.
The good thing is, I haven’t given up or given in. I’m just in need of a much needed break. I wish I had a referee with me at times when the crap hits the fan. “Time out” he would bellow. I could go to my corner of the ring and take a deep breath. Regain my strength.
And then go back to face the absolute bizarreness that my teens throw at me. It would be nice to have someone in my corner with me, on my side. But, daydreams of invisible refs behind, the reality is, it’s just me. I think it’s time to discover new coping mechanisms.
Here is what it ultimately boils down to in my life. It’s tough when the two now gargantuan teens still hold dear memories in my heart of being young and loving. I know growing up is part of life, but no parenting book ever properly described how bad the growing pains would hurt.
I had no idea the frustration could mount to high peaks and that tears would flow so often. I had no foresight that I could or would ever fight with my teenagers. That’s how solid we were up until they both were in eighth grade. Then came high school and many, many forks in the road. Me on one side, them on the other.
My main goal now is to trudge on down my fork, the road which best suits me. I have empowered myself with the knowledge that I will never be able to please my teenagers. I’ve given the last 16 years to them and I have only traveled down their road.
It’s time for us to take our own paths and try to meet somewhere in the middle. I’m hoping that middle ground is a fun, supportive, empowering place. I can be me, and they can be them.
On this new road, Mama Bear will have bigger biceps, I’m really liking that idea. I’m also liking that my “mom guilt” isn’t at the forefront of my thoughts. I’m going to own the fact that I am a good parent.
And that I’m also many other things, not just a mom. Look at me go, the inspirational thoughts are already coming my way. I’m liking this new-found mental freedom and the dust beneath my feet. Here is to fewer bumps ahead, a smoother path, and a clearer view of the wonderful thing we call life.
If you too find yourself embarking on a new road, enjoy it, and best of luck to all you parents of teenagers out there.
Elizabeth Knobel lives in Windsor and is the mother of two teens who give her inspiration everyday. She can reached at [email protected].
