Last weekend, I went to the hair salon to get some highlights. The guy that colors my hair is fabulous, in his early 30s, really sweet. We were gabbing about life, how my teens are liking their new school and our gossip drifted to the topic of social media. He uses it for his business, a necessity we all know in order compete and thrive professionally. And then the conversation turned personal. We joked around about how old we are and feel when it comes to comparing the world now and the world 20 years ago. And then he asked me a very interesting question.
He said, “Elizabeth, how do you keep your teens safe online? How do you know that they are not being bullied? Do you know their online profiles?”
I left there that day deep in thought. But it was constructive thinking, and I felt fresh, shiny blond streaks and all.
His questions have recently become even more thought-consuming after I heard a conversation my two teens were having in the car. My son asked my daughter if she had gotten any more gems. Then he proceeded to brag to her that he had and which ones he had gotten. Oblivious to what they were talking about, I casually asked if it was a game they were playing.
“No mom it’s a new app,” they both replied. They explained what it was and my jaw literally hung open. I wanted to shout at them, tell them how silly the app was and why it should not have value to them. But I didn’t, because if I did, they would shut me out next time and then I will be even more in the dark then I am now. If they know I disapprove, they don’t tell me stuff. The trick with my teens is pretending to be interested in their interests, even if I think it’s terrible!
My teens like yours have the ability to have secrets way beyond anything we parents could even fathom or control. The world of social media is enormous. Often at night I go to bed before my teens. I say goodnight and trust them to put their phones away at 10 p.m.. There are some days I actually check their phones in the morning to see when the last text came in. That way I know if they got to sleep on time. I trust my teenagers but I, too, remember being 15. I never went to bed on time and I never got off the phone when I was supposed to. That’s just teenhood and comes along with being young. But I didn’t have the internet, it’s a whole new world order. What we parents have to deal with these days is insane. Sometimes it’s too much, but we have to stay positive and connected.
Moving forward like with anything, I need to trust my teens, and for the most part I do. I trust they won’t be cruel on social media. That they won’t post inappropriate images of themselves for the world to see. That they will respect themselves enough to always make good decisions. That they will never use the power at their fingertips to be hurtful to others. If they can understand the light and dark side of social media I think they will be OK as high school progresses. Hopefully by the time college comes there will be less screen time in their lives. I think it simply comes down to solid parenting and modeling good behavior of my own. So, I’ll just plug along, listen to conversations in the car, try to keep up with the latest apps, and I vow not to be swallowed by the internet.
I shall stay afloat, one day at a time …
Elizabeth Knobel lives in Windsor and is the mother of two teens who give her inspiration everyday. She can reached at
el*********@ms*.com
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