My husband and I had the pleasure of seeing Jerry Seinfeld live at the Luther Burbank Center last Friday night. As you know, we are huge Seinfeld fans and I was lucky enough to score the tickets for his Christmas present.
One of Jerry’s bits was about his own family and how he and his wife are dealing with raising their three teenagers. My face literally hurt from laughing as his humor was so on-point. He joked that we “helicopter” parents have created monsters, and now in their teen years we are regretting our overindulgences.
In absolute agreement with him, I couldn’t help but ask myself, how do we proceed from here? How do we turn these lazy teenagers around? I wish Jerry would have given us the answers but he didn’t. After Friday’s date night, it was back to reality, questions still lingering.
Over the weekend, as we dealt with the same old bickering over chores from our two teenagers, I had to honestly ask myself a few things. Did we spoil the kids while they were little? Are we still spoiling them now? Do they work for the things we buy them? Do they appreciate the sacrifices their dad and I have made for them? Are they capable of hard work? And are the things I expect from my teenagers realistic?
Here is what I came up with. I don’t think spoiling little kids with love and parent participation is a bad thing. We have always been present and involved in our kids’ lives and in their schooling. I think that’s vital in them establishing a sense of safety and security. I don’t regret any of our dedication during their formative years.
But, now that they are full fledged teenagers, I’m really feeling like they need a push for more independence. My son should be driving more and he should be driving his sister and himself to school next year. This summer they both should get some sort of job. They should earn some money, save it and learn what becomes important to have when it’s their hard earned money buying it.
Right now, their “jobs” have been entirely academic. They both are high achieving students. I’m proud of their accomplishments but they need to accomplish things outside of school too.
When I think of them holding a job, I can’t help but wince a little. When they both do stuff around the house, it’s not done wholeheartedly. For example, half a room will get vacuumed or only half of the dishwasher put away.
Maybe it will take an employer to embarrass them or correct them to make them see the difference. Either way, the lessons learned outside the house will probably have a better impact. If it’s not coming from Mom, hopefully they will listen to instructions better.
As always I don’t have all the answers, but I do know this. If Jerry Seinfeld and his wife struggle with their teenagers too, then it’s a universal thing. Celebrity and normal people parenting go hand in hand. We are all just trying our best. We love our teenagers and we want them to succeed, be happy and grow into functioning, successful adults.
And lastly, the secret weapon to bring to your next argument with your teen is humor. Turning anything into a laugh is better than screaming. And it also makes you, the parent, feel better. I guess the old saying really is true: laughter is the best medicine. So let’s all laugh more, see the silliness in the insanity, and for goodness sake, try to laugh together.
Personally, I am going to slow down my helicopter blades, get a little more old school. I’ll see where it takes me, how long I can keep it up and how hard it is. Wish me luck.
Elizabeth Knobel lives in Windsor and is the mother of two teens who give her inspiration everyday. She can reached at [email protected].
