One of my 3-year-old’s favorite movies is Incredibles 2. I also really enjoy it, as the family dynamic amongst the super family is similar to mine. Loud dinners, teenage angst, colorful marriage problem solving and a baby who quickly discovers his amazing, magical abilities. One of my favorite quotes in the movie is by Edna, the super costume designer. She says something along the lines of “Done properly, parenting is a heroic act, done properly.” Indeed it is, I always think. But what constitutes properly?
Modern parenting is tough, and I think most of us parents strive to do it “properly.” We are a much more tolerant, open-minded generation of parents. So, in my case with my two teenagers, I really try to balance between being kind and being strict. In fact, on a daily basis I constantly vacillate between what I expect of them and what I will let slide.
For instance, chores. We all know they have to be done. It’s common knowledge that our dogs need to be fed everyday and walked. And yet, the walks don’t happen and I end up feeding them. On a good day I don’t need to remind them, they just do it. But on a bad day, there is lots of mumbling and complaining. To the point of anger and teenage “mood missiles” flying all over the house. Even the poor, droopy brown eyes of my two Retrievers aren’t encouragement enough.
The second bone of contention is screen time. “Good lord,” I want scream, “how many countless hours can you guys spend on those things?” Apparently the rest of their lives. Peeling my teenagers off their phones and gaming systems is like extracting teeth with no anesthesia. I can’t even count how many fights we have had about getting off their phones to come to dinner or to help out. Five minutes can turn into hours. It’s truly the most frustrating of all problems.
And yet, both of my teens still have phones. Some days I end up doing everything and turn into a crazy, over-tired Mommy by 9 p.m. So the big screaming question in my mind is, what’s a solution to the overall lazy, good-for-nothing teenage syndrome? Maybe it’s me?
Maybe I have simply spoiled them. Maybe my new-age parenting is quite frankly, stupid. I should just say no to everything. If they do what is expected of them, then they get their phones and X-Box. Saying no was never really in my parental vocabulary. It was always something like, we will see, or maybe later. Now it will just be no.
As my wonderful, highly intelligent Irish mother always says, I am damned if I do, and damned if I don’t. Teenagers will be teenagers. But you, Elizabeth, have the power to change things in your favor. And I’m finally learning that she is right. So here is to Mom power, the power of just saying no and white wine. A perfect pairing that definitely will go hand in hand.
Wish me luck, shoot me an email of your craziest no stories. I could always use a laugh, or the advice.
Elizabeth Knobel lives in Windsor and is the mother of two teens who give her inspiration everyday. She can reached at el*********@ms*.com.
