When I was 16, my parents let me go on a road trip with my best friend and her older sister. Along for the ride were two of her guy friends, amenable to taking turns driving and chaperoning us teenagers. We drove to a Guns’ N Roses concert in L.A., and stayed at my aunt’s house after the concert. This memory sprung back into my subconscious after my own teen daughter asked if she could go on her first road trip to see her first concert. “We will see,” I told her, and then my mind kicked into overdrive.
You see, on my road trip we obviously survived, but I have vivid memories of drinking too much beer and being sick in the bathroom while Axl Rose belted out “Sweet Child O’ Mine” (my favorite song). I was, quite frankly, really young and really naive about drinking too much, too fast and just overall being foolish. I attribute my survival to the caring nature of my friends and their patience for the sloppy drunk who made them miss a part of the concert. And maybe that’s why my parents felt comfortable letting me go. They knew my friend group, and they knew I would be safe with them.
So, the trouble these days is that I don’t really know my teen’s friends. I don’t know if they are responsible, if they will designate a sober driver if they do decide to partake in partying. I can and do, put my faith in my daughter, but these days, I don’t think that faith is enough. And the same question keeps knocking at my subconscious. How do I know she will make good decisions, sound decisions and won’t get herself in some sort of trouble? How do you know when to let the teen birdie fly from the nest?
My teens always joke that I read way too many news articles about bad things happening. I’ll admit that I do read stuff, but only because I want to stay in the “know” about the new types of dangers out there. As a parent it’s crucial to stay updated, or at least try to. So maybe my paranoia is blocking my ability to see that she is old enough, is mature enough to set out on an adventure and that she will be ok.
I have learned a lot from my parents, their example and I have learned from myself too about parenting teens and finding a path that will lead them onward, to a good adult life. What we all must admit to ourselves though, is that the world of 30 years ago is gone. Our world today is much different. And the dangers are truly out there.
So, in taking my own advice, I will think hard about her upcoming concert, and I encourage all you other parents out there, when faced with a big decision, to think about it and listen to what your gut and instincts tell you. And ask yourself this; how do you know when to loosen the reins, and set them free?
Elizabeth Knobel lives in Windsor and is the mother of two teens who give her inspiration everyday. She can reached at
el*********@ms*.com
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