When I was a teenager, my dad would always wait up for me if I went out at night on the weekends. Without fail, he would be watching TV and the second he heard my key in the lock he would spring up from his chair and say goodnight.
At the time I found it extremely annoying. My 16-year-old self couldn’t appreciate his fatherly concerns. I was too cool to comprehend his worry and that he needed to be sure I was home before he could go to sleep. Well, my 42-year-old self gets it now, maybe even too much. I have officially deemed myself an “over worrier” as I watch my two teens treading through their teenage tsunamis.
This weekend was rough for one of my teens. One of their relationships ended and it was one that I actually thought would go the distance. As a parent it’s really hard to witness. It’s also difficult to pick up on signs of strife weeks ago and be ignored when I ask questions.
As an adult we have the ability to see changes in behavior and mannerisms. Teens aren’t so lucky. They don’t quite have the mental alarm bell system in their brains for subtle, telling changes that could mean big trouble ahead. Sadly, I accurately predicted this coming doomsday and now it’s here, in my house. It’s like a big, sad, gray teenage cloud of sadness hovering over. I’m hoping it soon dissipates.
This cloud is part of life, I keep reminding myself. And you know what? Life sucks sometimes, even more so when one of your teens is hurting and there isn’t anything you can do.
Here is the dilemma, at least in my family. My two teenagers really don’t want my advice. They don’t want to listen to my suggestions or my questions. They think they have it all figured out. They have it all handled and they just make fun of my “mom alert,” as they call it.
Little do they know that my “mom alert” is highly intuitive. I’m at a 99 percent accuracy rate. The question still remains: how do I get them to listen in the future? How do we avoid further disappointment?
Moving forward, because this isn’t going to be the last time, here are a couple of things I have learned from this experience that surprised me. My momma bear claws wanted to come out, full force. I had to remind my adult self to not text the parents a nasty snark.
I was really angry, and I too felt jolted about the betrayal. I let this person in my home and allowed them to get close to my family. That’s a big deal for me, as I am a very private person. Secondly, I learned that at the end of the day, I really can’t do much for my emotionally wounded teen except listen and comfort.
Involving myself in any other way is highly inappropriate. I vow to never let my temper get the best of me and to never text, call or email the parents of the wrongdoer. My teen would kill me if they found out I butted into their business; it’s simply not my place.
The last thing I learned and remembered, is that teenage relationships are bumpy and hormone-driven. Their relationships are hard to stay on track and often go sideways. But, with every relationship comes experience and hopefully a wider learning curve.
This crash course in Heartbreak 101 wasn’t fun. It was tough, and it will stay uncomfortable in the coming weeks, because social media never sleeps. It’s the teenage lifeline. Until another topic of drama takes precedence and the emotions are raw, the cloud will hover. In the meantime, my “mom alert” will get retuned and recharged. I’ll be on the ready though, Mom instincts and all.
Elizabeth Knobel lives in Windsor and is the mother of two teens who give her inspiration everyday. She can reached at
el*********@ms*.com
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