The other day I was catching up with my younger sister on the phone. As we were talking I found myself smiling at the absurdity of our conversation. She was rambling on about the perils of kindergarten acceptance. Been there, done that I thought. But I calmly reassured her that her 5-year-old would be fine, and in 10 years the kindergarten search would turn into a college search. That’s where I am. What a huge, monumental leap our teen son and my family will be taking in just a few years.
I went to my first college fair a few weeks ago at my two teens’ high school. It was loud, crowded and overwhelming. I wasn’t sure what to except but I picked up some valuable information for test dates and such. I felt like a deer in headlights, frozen at various college booths, barely able to mumble articulate sentences. As I was driving home I couldn’t help but realize and admit to myself a few important truths.
The first thought that struck me was: I’m not ready for this. I’m not ready for my first born to leave. I’ll miss him in our home on a daily basis. I’ll miss his loud music, his annoying habit of raiding the refrigerator and his heaps of dirty laundry. I’ll also miss his laugh, his sense of humor and his 6’4” frame coming down the stairs. Simply said, his absence will be life changing.
The second thing that I’m now aware of is how complicated the actual college admittance process is and all it encompasses to get there and cross the finish line at the right school for your kid.
It’s a long and tedious process and it’s expensive. Just to sign him up for SAT and ACT prep classes is $1,000. The application essay tutoring is another $500. I’m sure there will be other unexpected expenses that come up along the way as well.
And lastly, I was hit hard by my own inner voice asking me if this process is all worth it. Of course, he must get a college education but at what price? I don’t agree with stripping my teens of their young years studying to achieve that 4.0 at the cost of fun and self growth.
I want them both to work summer jobs, go swimming, hang out with friends. I want them to be kids. Adulthood is tough, laden with financial responsibility and sacrifice. I don’t want to see them give up the next few years and spend them on their laptops doing homework, just to build that “high school achievement” resume that so many colleges are looking for.
So, the age old question remains: are my teenagers ready for college? Are they responsible enough? Will they take care of themselves while away? Will they make good friends and stay safe? I don’t have all the answers but as a mom, I’m on the fence, not sure of which way to jump. I want my teens to experience a life outside of our home and I want them to have amazing opportunities, I’m just not sure how to lead them in the right direction.
It’s strange, to nurture and guide for 18 years and finally open the door to watch them walk out. Where they walk to and what path they take is up to them. It’s an exciting, frightening, experience. I’m not ready, but I will get there.
First baby steps; scheduling the classes for the tests. And it will roll on from there. Can’t wait to see the look on my 16-year-old’s face when I tell him the last two weeks of his summer will be spent in test prep classes, yikes.
If you too are on this journey, let’s breathe through it together, ready ourselves and hope for the best. Good luck parents of soon-to-be juniors. It’s about to get crazy.
Elizabeth Knobel lives in Windsor and is the mother of two teens who give her inspiration everyday. She can reached at el*********@ms*.com.
