My two teenagers have me addicted to a show that is airing on Netflix right now. It’s based in the 80s, that wonderful time in history when cassette tapes still rocked, MTV was becoming a national phenomenon and Madonna and Michael Jackson saturated the radio. My teens couldn’t help but comment on the clothes and hair styles of the day. They thought the outfits were nerdy and the hair too big on both the male and female actors.
It was a different time, a more innocent world I told them. As much as we laughed, I cried internally. Raising teenagers today encompasses a whole new set of rules and challenges. What I wouldn’t do to transport us all back in time. Given the chance, would I raise my teens in the 80s? And if I could, why?
Let’s examine our teenagers’ world today. To begin, I will admit that the biggest annoyance between my teens and myself is their cell phone. The older they get, the more they are on it. I truly believe they are both addicted to the hand held device that allows them to connect with friends 24/7. They are addicted to watching videos and TV on the 5×3 screen. They could keep themselves occupied for days on end, only emerging from their rooms to eat.
They still fight with me each night about giving up the phone to go to bed. I have to remind them to put it away at dinner, family gatherings and holidays. It’s still a major cause of fights in our home. They simply can’t monitor themselves. So, I would do away with the cell phone. I really would erase it from our lives and never miss it.
The second most stressful aspect of modern teenhood is homework. When did two to three hours of homework a night become the norm and why is that now acceptable? If a teenager plays a team sport, has practice and gets home at 8, when do they relax? The simple answer is that they don’t. My teens come from practice, shove dinner in their mouths and race off to complete their hours worth of homework.
The scholastic expectations of our youth today is crazy. The bar is held very high, beyond normal levels. Therefore, any type of family dinner and time to hang out together is dismissed. We barely have a conversation on weekdays. I would love to see them only have one hour of work a day. Then they could actually rest their minds at night, regroup and recharge their internal batteries. Play with their dogs, watch TV in the family room and go to bed rested.
The last thing I would change about my teens’ world today is the new type of drugs that are out there. Yes, there have always been drugs in society, but today’s drugs are scarier. They are in the forms of gummy candy and baked goods. At least when I was growing up a joint looked like an ugly hand rolled cigarette.
Today’s drugs are pretty and cute, much to alluring to the young and innocent. The doses are stronger, dangerously more potent and potentially life threatening if ingested incorrectly. I already have to worry about alcohol; the last thing I ever thought possible has arrived in the form of sugary sweets. In my opinion that’s just wrong. Our teenagers are the future leaders of this world and us adults have made it way too easy for them to hurt themselves. We have let them down. Shame on us.
Maybe you are reading this and thinking how silly I might sound. It’s 2017, the world is light years ahead of where it was 20 years ago. But, is that necessarily a good thing? In many, many ways it is, but we have also gravely changed the course of our childrens’ lives. Our kids and teenagers will live beyond us and will have to forge a new future. One where family life is valid, work-life balance is essential for our health, and human communication and companionship stays vital.
So make an effort to slow down, enjoy the upcoming holidays. Cook with your teenagers, play games, sit in front of a fire, talk. Put your own cell phone away, show them that all they need is love. It’s the magic ingredient to all of our life recipes, no matter what era you are living in. I’ll get over my 80s fantasy and move on. The daydream was fun while it lasted. I wonder what will come next?
Elizabeth Knobel lives in Windsor and is the mother of two teens who give her inspiration everyday. She can reached at
el*********@ms*.com
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