Decoding Teenagers

I call upstairs to my two teenagers, “Dinner is ready.” I am in the kitchen and I make note that the clock on the microwave reads 6:15 p.m.. I don’t get a response from either one. So I try again. “Dinner is ready,” I call again, a little more loudly. Time on the microwave now reads 6:20 p.m. I still have gotten no response as I wait patiently. I realize I have two options. I can either get really mad or I can stay calm and go upstairs in person and tell my teens that dinner is ready. I know they are both on their phones, aren’t they always? On this particular day, as I am making my way up to their rooms, a memory takes shape in my mind and makes me laugh out loud. When was the last time that happened? I can’t wait to tell them the story at dinner. If we ever make it there.
Sit down everyone, I say. I have a story to tell you. I hope even my 8-year-old will think this one is funny. So I begin … The year was 1992 (way before cell phones) and I was on a trip with my parents. We were in Arizona, visiting my sister during Thanksgiving. On the morning that we were leaving, I was on the phone, teenage drama escalated to the highest degree. My mom kindly asked me several times to get off the phone so we could start our six hour drive back to San Diego. Finally, on her last attempt, she yelled and threatened to leave me there. Yeah right, I thought. Like my mom was really going to leave me in Arizona. She was so mad she almost pulled the phone jack out of the wall. Needless to say, I finally ended my call and came out of the room to find my parents, who were my ride, gone. They actually left me there. As I end my story, and finish up describing how it all turned out, I am anticipating my kids remarks. “What?” my kids say. “I can’t believe Grandma and Grandpa would do that to you. That is so mean, how could they just leave you there?” Well, very easily, I think to myself. As an adult now, and a parent, I obviously have a much different perspective then I did when I was 17.
This perspective is one that I am guessing 99 percent of all parents have these days. We feel we are literally at war with our teen’s cell phones. We battle them during all waking hours. It’s a frustrating little device that has taken over all of our lives and our households. I will admit that this is a daily struggle in our house. It frustrates my husband and I till no end. So, in the spirit of being more mindful and open, I have come to look at the cell phone debacle in a positive new light. It doesn’t have to be my enemy. I just have to simply accept it’s existence in our lives. If we have to live with something, I say make the best out of it. So I got to thinking about why teens spend so much of their time and energy on their phones. This also made me think of my teenage self. Would I have been on my cell phone all the time if I had one? The answer is yes, yes I would have. I was always on the phone, so much that my parents ended up getting me my own line in my room. When it comes down to it, teens simply want to connect with their friends all the time. Whether they FaceTime, text, game or what have you, they want social interaction with their peers. It is a totally normal part of growing up. Teens appreciate more time with their friends then they do their family and I am finally beginning to be ok with that.
In my house I have taken a vow to no longer be at war with my teens phones. I have set boundaries and the phones are taken every night at 9 o’clock. They don’t like it, but they accept it. There are groans of distaste still, every night but I simply do not care. It is what it is. And I think life with teens is just that. Pick your battles, be smart, find humor in the insanity, be strong and most importantly, be loving. I promise they will love you back for it eventually.
Elizabeth Knobel lives in Windsor and is the mother of two teens who give her inspiration everyday. She can reached at el*********@ms*.com.