I have a beef. Well, not really a beef, as I am trying to cut down on red meat; call it a “peeve.” Not a “pet” peeve, because I really don’t see this peeve as soft, cuddly and cute. My big peeve is this: these new-fangled chip bags that are impossible to open without a degree from MIT.
You know the ones, the bags that have a tiny little slit in the top where you are supposed to tear or cut open, thus leaving you with a small slash to access the chips you crave. This makes it impossible to thrust your hand deep in the bag, and emerge with a fist full of chips like in the good old days when you could just open the damn bag at the top as God intended.
The other problem is that invariably, this slight gash in the bag turns into a huge open gaping bag wound, with chips falling willy-nilly all around you. No such thing as merely rolling the top of the bag closed. Oh no, that’s too easy — you will need a metal spring clip, a rubber band, a freezer size storage bag and a soldering iron.
Okay, I have one more peeve: abuses of power, such as, oh I don’t know, maybe asking to lower the bar on what qualifies as slander and libel. Bad enough if you are Joe Q. Citizen … interestingly I went to school with a guy named Joe Q. Citizen. Needless to say we classmates gave him quite the ribbing; what a name! But then we were forced to eat crow (tastes like chicken) when he ended up founding Citizen Bank. True story.
But I digress.
When the alleged President of the United States starts spouting off about making it easier to sue for libel you have to wonder, “doesn’t he have more important things to think about, like world peace, racial divisions and the size of his nuclear button?” Lower the bar on libel suits? Why don’t we just take the next step into anarchy and open up wilderness areas to drilling, crudely insult world leaders, grab women’s private parts and arrest 7-11 clerks while we’re at it. As if.
Okay, just one more peeve — press bashing. Years ago I forecasted the end of the world when it became possible for anyone with a keyboard and internet access to express his or her opinions to a worldwide audience. It’s a burden being right all the time.
Call me an old fuddy duddy (I’ve been called worse, like a young fuddy duddy, but that was years ago), but I miss the days when to actually publish a news article, one had to have training in journalism, do real research, be required to have multiple reliable sources and more than one set of eyes to curate, edit and fact check these stories.
Fake news, schmake news; for some reason a large number of people (and a number of large people) now firmly believe whatever the hell they want to believe. Facts? Truth? Honesty? Adorable, but irrelevant. It’s not scary that this is happening, it’s scary that it is becoming the norm and many people don’t care.
Speaking of Norm, that’s an underrated name, don’t you think? Got a bad rap because of Norm Bates. Damn that Hitchcock.
Really, last peeve, I promise — roundabouts or traffic circles. Not the roundabouts themselves, I love them, but the astonishing number of people who just don’t get it peeves me. You approach the circle, yield to the traffic already in the circle, then proceed.
You do not, as I have repeatedly seen in Windsor and Healdsburg, just speed into the circle without looking. A microcosm of our “me first”(and only) society? A scathing statement on our lack of respect and disregard or community? An analogy for our leader’s propensity to rush into something with blinders on and no regard for consequences?
Perhaps. But listen, there’s one more thing that drives me nuts. Honestly, this is the last one — spell check and autocorrect. How is it that autocorrect will magically (and rightfully) turn “jgtsuxr” into “chestnut,” but somehow can’t fathom how to correct “oyb” into “boy?” Instead, I get these as options: “by,” “yob,” “oboe” and “bruschetta.”
Okay I have to acknowledge the elephant-sized peeve in the room, the one that is #1 on all of our peeve lists — Why don’t we have more people immigrating from those nice white countries like Norway?
That one really peeves me.
Steven welcomes your comments. You can reach him at st***************@gm***.com.
