I lost my wallet. What a pain in the wallet toting area.
I somehow lost it between picking up a za (that’s what we hep cats call pizza) at La Pizza and getting it to my car. I realized when I arrived home the pizza was there but my wallet was missing. I sped back … uh, I mean drove the speed limit obeying all traffic laws … immediately, but the wallet was nowhere to be found. Chagrined I started calling the various companies to cancel my cards (credit, debit, communist, etc.). I hoped that whoever picked up my wallet would extract the cash ($3,000 in unmarked non-sequential small bills; don’t ask) and stick the wallet in my mailbox in the middle of the night.
Boy, was I wrong. What has happened to the class of criminal in my hometown?
I had to apply for replacement driver’s license, which is only slightly less involved than purchasing a small island. One doesn’t just drop into the DMV anymore, not unless you pack food, clothing and portable shelter to last for a few days. One makes an online appointment, which is, alas, not as easy as it sounds. I kept going online and making appointments at Santa Rosa, Petaluma, Novato and San Yisdro. Finally, I got one this calendar year in Ukiah.
My DMV rep was a great guy, smiling, pleasant and genuinely helpful. I know what you’re thinking; I too thought I was in the wrong place at first. He chuckled when he read my name and promised not to make fun of it. That’s inevitably when the salesperson, customer rep, policeman, makes fun of it. But he said, “Hey, I can’t talk, look at my name.” He showed his DMV ID. The name? Fidel Castro. I said, “What on earth were your parents thinking?”
He replied, ”It gets worse; I’m actually Fidel Castro, Jr.”
That is not a typical moniker for a native US citizen and caused me to think, as many things these days do, of our current administration’s remarkable intolerance toward anyone who isn’t white, male, overweight and insecure. The daily injustices perpetrated by this administration have long since left the realm of amusingly irritating and deteriorated into the land of incomprehensibly despicable.
Tolerance, whither art thou? It is rather disingenuous that the same people who gleefully dragged Obama through the mud and showed not a spec of respect for him have their collective panties in a wad about the “unfair” treatment of this impostor-in-chief. Put aside the dubious claims of his good deeds – healthy economy (he inherited an economy already on the upswing), lower unemployment (see above), Korean summit (he legitimized a ruthless dictator on the world stage and got nothing). Is this who we are? Isolationist, delusional, bullying and cowardly? It doesn’t take a lot of guts to tweet insults to the Canadian prime minister when you’re safely on Air Force One flying away from him. And insulting Canada? That’s like calling Betty White a wanton tramp.
But I digress.
Kind of.
When I was on my way home from my DMV visit, it dawned on me that abhorrent acts like tearing kids away from their parents at the border while claiming it’s justified by the Bible (reminds me of the classic Pink Floyd song: “Hey Christians, leave our kids alone!), are not the actions of an unhinged lunatic. No. My friends, they are carefully orchestrated strategy for immigration reform. You see, our illustrious un-leader is systematically making the United States such a hotbed of hostility, such a respite for invective, such a haven of intolerance that any reasonable person would never want to move here voluntarily.
Detention center camps at former Walmarts? Suspicious looks if your skin does not match our fearful leader’s pasty tone? Denial of global warming as our ice caps melt and our shores rise (beachfront property in Lodi, anyone?). A political system that threatens to self-destruct before our eyes? Grammar-challenged, petty, bullying tweets from the least powerful most powerful person in the world?
A brilliant tactic, sir. Well done. The administration, while reorganizing cabinet agencies (Homeland Insecurity, Department of Perceived Slights, etc.) also has chiselers working on revising the plaque on the Statue of Liberty. You remember that quaint little thing don’t you? Situated on New York harbor to welcome immigrants to our golden shores of hope, peace and inclusion.
Here’s a sneak peek at the revised inscription:
Give me your healthy, your rich,
Your fair-skinned masses yearning to breathe toxins,
The soulless refuse of your streaming apps.
Send these, and keep the homeless, poor and free thinkers away,
I turn my back on those who built our golden door!
That reminds me; if my new license photo sucks, I’m going after Fidel.
