Build The Wall

Donald Trump wants to build a wall across the United States’ southern border and make the Mexican government pay for it. He wants to keep out rapists and illegal immigrants. Others want us to put up barriers and keep Syrian refugees out of the country. Some of our fellow Americans even want to register or deport all Muslims, including those who are American citizens.
If we really want to seal ourselves inside of a culturally pure and fear-free safety zone, we have a better idea.
Let’s build a wall around Sonoma County. All the way around, all one million acres, including the tidal flats of the San Pablo Bay, the Mayacamas mountain ridges, all 50 miles of Pacific coastline — and especially at our southern border with Marin County, in case there are any rapists or illegal immigrants there.
We’re not being preposterous here. Of course, we will have portals and a number of controlled entry points. We have a builder in mind and we know how to pay for it. This ultimate public infrastructure has been long delayed and has been cried out for by dozens of local constituent groups. With the nation’s mood so dark and ugly, now is the perfect time to start this erection.
A Great Wall around Sonoma County will achieve many popular goals we’ve all been talking about for several years. A solid barrier will keep out all undocumented immigrants, not just Mexicans and Syrians. But we can also keep out any tourists we don’t want on weekends when it gets too crowded or when they try to sneak in and rent vacation rentals in our neighborhoods.
Some people have suggested building a moat instead of a wall, but that would be a waste of water. With a Great Wall, we will set a new policy to keep all our Russian River water for ourselves. Marin County will be shut off — unless they want to pay a super premium for us to pipe the water south through our new barrier.
The Great Wall won’t solve all our love-hate conflicts with tourists. We’ll want to let enough tourists come visit and buy our wine and pay an entrance fee to help pay for the wall. With a wall, we can dictate which tourists we let in and which ones we keep out.
Basically, visitors with the most money to spend will get in first, with a preference toward billionaires. But, personal values will have to count. We don’t want to tolerate any more wine snobs than we have to. And, how many half-educated foodies does it take to ruin a farm-to-fork dinner conversation anyway?
If we are serious about putting a limit on the number of wineries and winery-sponsored special events, what’s a better answer than a Great Wall? (Remember, a wall would seal us off from Napa, too.)
Who’s going to build this Great Wall, you may be asking? Remember the artist Christo and his wife Jeane-Claude? In 1976, they built a 24.5 mile, 18-foot tall Running Fence. (It was called art; we could charge for looking at it.) Christo is available, and this time the county of Sonoma can be his partner, instead of insisting on a 450-page EIR and permits.
We shouldn’t stop with one giant perimeter wall. Lots of walls could solve lots of our other problems and neighborly squabbles. We could put walls around Indian casinos, low income housing, homeless shelters, future wineries and all big box stores.
We’re sure many other county residents who oppose too much immigration, tourism, traffic, water users, developers and new neighbors with different religions can think of dozens of other wall projects.
Pretty soon, we’ll be sealed off like the kings of the early Middle Ages. We will be the rulers of all that we might look down upon and survey.
The only problem will be, that view will be limited, bound by our own bigotries and conceits.
— Rollie Atkinson