In the early ’90s a book was published called “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.” The author called it “a practical guide for improving communication and getting what you want out of your relationship.” I never gave it much thought (I was a teenager during its first publication) until I happened upon a copy in a used bookstore while I was out Christmas shopping.
After flipping through the pages and reading some of the material, I smiled. Hey, I thought, I could really use some of these suggestions. I bought it, brought it home, and quietly slipped it into the drawer beside my bed. I didn’t want my two teenagers to see it, or my husband. I had a sneaking suspicion this book was going to my new go-to reference bible.
I have often written about struggles I have faced with both my teenage son and daughter. As of late, the parental confusion I’m juggling is, well, kind of ridiculous. I don’t have a Ph.D in Psychology. I was a Liberal Studies major for crying out loud. But, I now have this book, which has shed some light onto the plain truth that I relate more to my daughter than I do to my son.
To be clear, this is not about love, because I love them both equally. It’s simply about male vs. female thinking patterns. My daughter and I see eye to eye about 95 percent of the time. My son and I see eye to eye about 50 percent of the time. That’s quite a big difference. And honestly, the miscommunication my son and I have can cause really silly arguments. Maybe, just maybe, it doesn’t have to anymore. With my new found Mars vs. Venus information, I might be able to communicate better with my son and enjoy a more harmonious relationship.
As a mental exercise, I thought back to some of our recent disagreements. The morning rush is usually when everybody’s frustrated because of the upcoming commute and stress of school. If I’m honest with myself, me and my daughter are usually on the same side. We both tend to get mad at the almost 16-year-old young man parading around in the morning watching YouTube on his phone.
Most mornings he is oblivious to all that needs to be done before leaving the house. So, she crams in getting dressed, doing her makeup, making the coffee and feeding the dogs. I cram in making breakfast, changing my two-year-olds diaper, inhaling my coffee, making lunches, getting myself and the toddler dressed, making sure my 10-year-old is ready and that the house is properly shut down.
It’s pretty much a circus in my house in the morning with my two daughters and I running the show. My son is a mere bystander. In reality, he should be the ringleader.
I used to think that maybe I let my son get away with too much as a kid. I couldn’t help but question all the time he spent gaming. Was I was stricter with my daughter? That would explain his lack of insight into his surroundings and responsibilities. Now I think it’s a just a gender difference. Of course my daughter and I think alike; we are female. And of course my son and husband think alike; they are male. It’s not rocket science, it’s biology and human nature. It’s what God created us to be: different.
I’m always thankful for my family. They are my whole world and it’s my job to be their mom. But I’m also brutally honest with myself about my parenting defeats. For some reason, that book appeared to me that day. It was buried under many other books, but it still found its way into my hand for a reason.
I believe that reason was fate. I’m always looking for guidance and help from the universe. I never want my parenting style to get stale. I need to continue to learn along the way, with each of my four kids, from the one who is going to be 16, to the one that is two. Humor and knowledge can be a parent’s best allies.
So, thank you John Gray, for your wonderful, insightful book. As we all know, written words are powerful and can be game-changing. My teenagers will still act like teenagers, but I now have some new coping mechanisms. New teenage issues will arise and I’ll sneak a peek at my book for a possible answer or a good laugh.
I hope all you other parents out there find your game-changer, whatever form it may be.
Elizabeth Knobel lives in Windsor and is the mother of two teens who give her inspiration everyday. She can reached at
el*********@ms*.com
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