Having children is the greatest paradox in life; at least it is in my life. How can something so great cause me such grief and worry?
The birth of my daughters was the best thing that ever happened to me (and I have had a good life). The unconditional love, the closeness of blood, the miracle of birth is unparalleled. It is very life-affirming. However, having children is also the most vulnerable I have ever been, often brings me much worry, drains the bank account and I can feel so helpless at times when I want to help the most.
Yep, having children is mentally complicated. When they are teens and constantly needing transportation to everywhere you start thinking, “Man, it’ll be great when they have a license.” But when they start thinking about getting one you freak out. When they get their license it takes years before you can watch them drive off and not worry every second they are gone.
I’ve heard some parents say, “I can’t wait until she can talk.” Babies are so easy when they can’t talk. Once they start talking and giving their opinions on everything, as they should, it can get a bit much. Or, the parent who says, “I can’t wait until she can walk.” OMG, that only means it’s time to quit your gym membership because you’re going to be running all day long.
I like to believe we have only so much energy. In bigger bodies it has to work harder to supply what the body needs. So, with those little bodies, no wonder they are a bundle of energy. I saw these really cute T-shirts the other day. One for a mother that read: “I’m exhausted” and a matching style for the toddler read: “I’m not.” Those shirts pretty much explain parenthood of small children.
I am not the type who feels pride when my children accomplish something; it’s their accomplishment, why should I feel pride? But I do feel great when they are happy; when that real smile radiates from them there is nothing better. And hugging, I am not a hugger, but once I had kids they taught me how great hugging can be.
On the other side, the worst part about having children is when they are sick. If they’re young, you’re never sure what is wrong. But even when they get to the age where they can effectively communicate, there are those times when there is nothing the parent can do. We try and comfort, we get professional help when needed and we worry.
Now that mine are all grown it’s still much of the same. We worry, are they happy, are they safe, are they financially sound, do they like their jobs, is their partner right for them? You try and let go but it’s hard. And should they get sick …
We have been blessed. Especially when we hear or read of other parents whose children are disabled, or addicted, or have psychosis, or in jail or worst of worst have died. I try to remind myself how blessed I have been. My little girl may be sick but she’ll get better.
I sometimes wonder what my life might have been without children, especially when I read about childless friends travelling the world in luxurious comfort. But it’s a passing thought and not real.
Having children, the greatest thing that ever happened to me and the most vulnerable I have ever been, is well worth it.
Gabriel A. Fraire has been a writer more than 45 years. He can be reached through his website at: www.gabrielfraire.com.
