Ask Dr. Shiroko

Let’s talk about sex… and aging
What is one subject that everyone thinks about but we hardly ever really talk about? You guessed it from the title of this article, sex. There’s no doubt that sex can be one of the most amazing pleasures in our lives. But it’s also important for our overall health. A good sex life helps us live longer, feel and look younger, and be healthier.
It’s common to develop some problems with our sexuality as we age. Hormones shift, medications cause reactions, communication issues arise, relationships change, and we feel less attractive as our appearance changes. In our culture of worshipping youthfulness, maturity isn’t always considered to be beautiful. In such a tender vulnerable subject, my first guiding words are: patience, love, and kindness.
A few of the physical changes a person can have with aging include, for women: vaginal dryness, pain with intercourse due to muscle spasm or dryness, lack of drive, fatigue, muscle weakness and weight gain. For men: they may have less drive, decreased ability to have or hold an erection, and aches and pains or weakness making sex difficult to sustain. Dealing with the physical aspects of an aging body is probably the least challenging of the sexual issues we face as we age.
With integrative and Chinese medicine, we have many treatments for balancing sex hormones and helping our body to stay younger and stronger. Small doses of bio-identical hormone replacement can help your body feel and function better. Traditional Chinese medicine is somewhat obsessed with sexuality and there are herbs for every aspect of the aging process. With herbs like horny goat weed, for instance, Chinese medicine has the issue covered. Acupuncture can keep your body balanced and functioning more effectively overall. We can even do acupuncture face-lifts to keep you looking younger.
Emotions are more of a challenge to deal with. As we age, we can feel less attractive. Weight gain, wrinkles and sagging body parts affect our ability to feel desirable. While it may be a struggle, we end up having to accept and surrender to aging. The struggle of fighting against it can actually make you look and feel older. By surrendering, you don’t have to give up on looking as good as possible.
There has to be an acceptance of the fact that our bodies are changing. I encourage you to take ownership of who you are and step into the beauty of aging. When you are able to surrender and accept your new self, a different kind of beauty arises.
As anyone in a long-term relationship knows, there are challenges in maintaining romance and sensuality. The first thing to do to improve sexuality to is to really practice intimacy. Be loving and kind to one another, do special things to make your partner feel loved. Even if your sex drive isn’t working, be affectionate. Write each other love notes. Go on dates for a change of scenery. When making love, be patient and creative. It’s not all about the end point, it’s about sharing love and connection.
Share your heart with your partner. If you’re having problems and can’t communicate, it’s time to get help. If you can’t communicate you can’t have good sex. Often couples that are not having sex are usually having some kind of communication problem that hasn’t been cleared up.
At the end of the day it’s always about your relationship with yourself and how much love you can bring to your own life. If you are struggling with your sex life, start by being the first to bring more love, the first to forgive, the first to take action.
Dr. Shiroko Sokitch’s belongs to the Heart to Heart Medical Center and her column appears monthly. She can be reached at: dr*****@ht***.com.